we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
