I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
