After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
