my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
