there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
