There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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