i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
