I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
