think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
