obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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