It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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