I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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