You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
