Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
