Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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