I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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