Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize