Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dick very happy bro
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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