So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
