Betty ford says i'm here all night
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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