I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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