Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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