The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
