There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
