Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
