1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
