If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
