dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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