Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
