Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
