My hand turned me down
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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