Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
