I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
