Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
