i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
