make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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