Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize