Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We are two peas in an std pod
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
