i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
