If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
