so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
