i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
home. puking in laundry basket.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
