Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
