The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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