I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
