I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
