I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize