I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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