So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
