chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize