so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
