I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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