You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize