Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
