I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
