i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
