i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
