I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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