turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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