lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
