my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
