You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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