Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
