worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
