Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You can't just leave with hair like that
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
