get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
