I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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