Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
