So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
