Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
