do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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