You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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