i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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