how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
