she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize