she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
