Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
