I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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