I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
