NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
