Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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