Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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