great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
