Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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