I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
