Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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