at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
