I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
