She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
