Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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