Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
