i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
