i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
